


Maybe in Another

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Feelings Realization, Feels, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Multiverse, Prophetic Visions, Stephen Strange is a Good Bro, Stephen Strange is an Asshole, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 22:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19049749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: You could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you.Tony’s on a path that leads only toward unhappiness. Thankfully, one of his friends has a way to help him see it.





	Maybe in Another

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SecretBane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretBane/gifts).



> A while ago, **SecretBane** sent me this [ painful article ](https://thoughtcatalog.com/gaby-dunn/2012/05/maybe-in-another-universe-i-deserve-you/) and pointed out what an amazingly angsty story it would make. I agreed that she was totally right but that it would be so amazingly angsty that it would be painful to write– so then I enlisted **STARSdidathing** who helped me come up with a way to make it a happy ending. So thanks a heap to both of you, and I hope that you enjoy it!  
>   
> (And sorry for taking so long to finally post it!!)

> > _Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously._  
>> 
>> _Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real._  
>> 
>> _Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you._
>> 
>> **—[Gaby Dunn, 2012](https://thoughtcatalog.com/gaby-dunn/2012/05/maybe-in-another-universe-i-deserve-you/)**

 

* * *

 

The scene before Tony was something out of his worst nightmares– and maybe, perhaps, that’s what it _was_. He could see himself with his arms wrapped around his waist, tightly gripping at his shirt as if he was trying to stop himself from falling apart. His expression was broken _, shattered_ , his fingers trembling as they bunched in the material. There was nothing at all that looked okay, and Tony knew that he would never be okay again.

_You don’t understand what’s happening, do you?_

Because, standing a few yards in front of Tony’s shattered figure was his lover. Loki’s posture was straight and unforgiving, his expression stony and emotionless. He wore the leather gear Tony knew he preferred for travelling, and he was watching Tony fall to pieces with a kind of finality that could only mean one thing.

_He’s hurting, Tony._

Loki was _leaving_ , and from the way he had closed himself off, Tony knew that there would not be a single thing that he could to do about it.

It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did– because to Tony himself, he and Loki had been sleeping together for the better part of two years, but… that was it. Oh, they were friends of course, they spent a hell of a lot of time together, and Tony adored Loki’s company. But their arrangement was strictly physical only, and that suited Tony just fine. It meant that there were no strings attached, no need to get emotional or clingy. Tony could spend as long as he wanted in his own little world without needing to feel guilty, and he didn’t ever have to take the relationship into account with his decisions because there was no relationship to speak of. It felt so much more freeing than anything he’d ever had with anyone else, and being with Loki was easy—

Easy, because there was not _meant_ to be any attachment.

_There’s something that I think you need to see._

“Loki, please, don’t go,” Tony whispered, his voice hoarse with pain.

“I can’t stay here,” Loki said evenly, and the only indication that he was feeling anything at all was the way that his hands curled into fists at his sides. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Why not?” Tony asked. “We’ve had a good thing for four years—”

“A broken thing,” Loki cut in. “A _thing_ that is vicious and biting and _destructive_ , and I cannot live with it any longer.” He shook his head, and took half a step back as if he were finally turning to go. “I need to leave. There’s nothing for me here other than a life of pain.”

“But I love you,” Tony begged– complete, broken down, breath hitched and tears streaming _begged_ , stumbling half a step forward and almost tripping over his feet. “I love you, Loki.”

And Loki just… watched, with the kind of detachment that could only be the result of years of torment. “And I love you,” he said, the words thrown out like a painful fact that he had learned to live with. “So very much. But it hurts, and I’m done.”

“I’ll fix it,” Tony said immediately. “I’ll– Loki, whatever you need me to do, whatever it is, _I’ll do it_. Please, I’ll love you, just _please_ , stay _.”_

Loki’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, but any indication that it had meant something to him was gone a moment later. “I can’t suffer this,” he said, shaking his head. “I _won’t_ live knowing that you’re only telling me to keep me here. Anthony, that’s not love.”

“No, it is, I just—”

“Didn’t care enough to tell me before,” Loki finished cuttingly. “How can I trust that you won’t drift away again? That the moment you have my word that I shall stay, you won’t simply go back to the way things _are?”_

The words were a knife through Tony’s heart– but as they twisted and wounded, Tony knew that they hurt more than any blade ever could. Because Loki thought… that Tony didn’t care, that he… that he would say he loved him as a manipulation, as a _lie—_

Tony realised that the words weren’t a lie at all. It was a cruel torture that it was only just now he was realising it, as he watched a shade of himself beg desperately for Loki to stay. And he wondered if it was the same for his counterpart, if that Tony was also _only just now_ realising how deeply he felt, and how much he was about to lose.

Even though Tony couldn’t imagine a devastation worse than he was feeling right in that moment, surely it _must_ be worse, after being with Loki for _four years_.

And, fuck. Loki had suffered four years of wanting what he could not have, of taking only the bare minimum that Tony had been willing to give but always _craving_ more, never able to get enough.

Tony’s heart was shattering, tearing from his chest and beating its last, and he just wanted it to _end—_

“One more would break me,” Loki said, shaking his head. He could have meant anything – one more day, one more kiss, one more betrayal, one more _lie_ – but it didn’t matter which. All Tony saw was his pain as he muttered, “There’s more for me out there than this.”

“Loki, please,” Tony begged in a last, desperate attempt. “Won’t you just… just let me love you? Wouldn’t that be enough?”

“You could have loved me forever,” Loki whispered, the emotion finally starting to shine through, his voice completely and utterly broken. “And maybe, in another universe, I let you.”

Tony shattered with the sound of a low, anguished whine, but Loki merely turned away.

“But not here, not now,” he said. “It’s too late. We just… don’t match, any more.”

Tony, the _real_ Tony who had forgotten that this was all just a nightmare stumbled forward, his feet made of iron as he reached out for his lover.

His voice cracked on a single, broken word. _“Please_.”

But Loki didn’t hear, and he didn’t turn. Every step widened the distance between them as he slipped between the branches of Yggdrasil, going where Tony could not follow, leaving without any hope of a return.

Tony felt his knees give out, and he fell to the carpeted floor of his penthouse with the other Tony’s last, horrible words echoing through his ears.

_Maybe in another universe, I deserve you._

He braced himself with one hand against the ground, breathing heavily and trying to calm his shaking limbs.

_Maybe in another…_

“Breathe, Tony, you’re all right.”

Tony’s eyes snapped open at the new voice, and he drew in a gulp of air, his heart hammering much too hard, beating against the old scars left by the arc reactor as his lungs felt way too small.

 _“Loki_ ,” he gasped.

Strange was watching him with compassion in his eyes, his expression soft. The amulet around his neck was glowing a faint green, but even that did not hold Tony’s attention as he scrambled to his feet.

“I hope that helped to open your eyes,” Strange said, his tone uncharacteristically gentle. “I hope you make the right decision.”

For a half a second, Tony was confused. But only half a second as everything that had happened before the nightmare – before the vision of the _future_ that had shaken him to his core – all came flooding back.

At the time, their little talk hadn’t made sense, but now it was clear as day. Strange had seen what was happening– perhaps all the others had as well, and they had wanted to help Tony see what was going on, what he was doing, where his path was leading.

Because it was _clear_ that if Tony continued the way he was now, he was only setting himself up for heartbreak.

But maybe…

Maybe in _this_ universe, Tony could make a difference.

Hardly giving Strange or the living room a backwards glance, Tony immediately charged for the elevator, speaking even before he was fully inside.

“JARVIS, I need to get to Loki,” he said, and the doors slid shut almost a little bit faster than normal.

When the doors opened to the penthouse, he immediately began to hurry forward, casting his gaze around– and he found Loki almost instantly. He paused for a moment, though, taking in the sight.

Loki was leaning against the railing on Tony’s balcony, staring down at the hustle and bustle of the city below. His expression was pensive, but as Tony began to walk forward and his feet scuffed against the ground in his haste, Loki turned with a smile beginning to curve around his lips.

The contrast between him and what he could potentially become in the next two years was severe. They were almost different people– a Loki that was simply glad to have Tony by his side, and one who had become so jaded by _not enough_ that he could no longer cope to stay at all.

But for now, there was still hope– because this Loki loved Tony, and Tony knew now that he loved him back.

Tony crossed the space in a few quick strides, not wanting to waste any more time at all when he knew exactly what it was that he wanted– and what Loki wanted, as well. His hands were already outstretched, and he held Loki’s face gently between them as he brought their lips together.

Loki was still smiling against Tony’s mouth, and even though he seemed surprised he threaded his hands through Tony’s hair and pulled him in, kissing with a tenderness that made Tony wonder how he had never seen it before.

Because now that Tony knew to look for it, it was obvious. Loki’s adoration was there in the way he stroked Tony’s skin, in the way he held Tony close like he never wanted to let go. In the joy when Tony initiated a kiss, in the sad smiles as they parted far too soon.

Loki’s suffering was slow, but it was certainly already there, and if not for Strange…

Well, it didn’t matter, did it? Because—

“I love you,” Tony said, catching Loki’s gaze and making sure that he _believed_ it. “Loki, I don’t just want this to be casual, not anymore. I want… fuck, I want everything, okay? I want to fall asleep with you wrapped around me, and I want to wake up to you in the mornings. I want to be able to kiss you and hold you just because I _want to_ , and I want you to be able to do the same. I want to make breakfast with you and hold your hand, and for everyone to know that we belong together because we _do_. I just… I want you to be happy,” Tony finished. “And I know that being with you will make me happy too.”

Loki’s expression was so full of feeling, so perfectly and utterly open that Tony had to lean in and kiss him again, touching his lips to Loki’s cheeks, his nose, his forehead.

“I _love you_ ,” he said again. “And I know that I don’t show it, but I’m going to try and do better. You deserve more than what I’ve given you.”

“Oh Anthony,” Loki said, his words bright and beaming, full of so much delight that they lightened everything they touched. “I love you as well.”

It was Loki, then, who leaned in first, bringing their lips back together once again in a kiss that was _chaste_ , so unlike any that they had shared before. Because those kisses had only ever been given in the throes of passion, long and bruising and burning with desire, but– missing something crucial. This kiss was nothing but a simple brush of lips, but it held far more meaning, and when it ended they simply held on to each other, their foreheads pressed together, both wanting to prolong the moment.

“Do not worry over what we deserve,” Loki whispered into the silence, the words pressing against Tony’s skin. “To know that you love me as well is more than enough.”

The echo was almost painful, but the darkness was immediately pushed away. After all, that world was no longer theirs, that future would no longer occur. It was a terrible but meaningless reminder of what Tony had almost given up, and Tony basked in the knowledge that this time, things would be _better._

And despite the anguish of what he had just been through, Tony didn’t feel the need to ask Loki to stay.

Because Tony knew that, at least for now, Loki _would_ , and that so long as Tony continued to show him just how loved he was, he would never become the bitter, wounded shade of himself that had haunted a future that now never was and never could be– at least, not _here._

There’s this theory, you see, about the multiverse. A theory where possibilities are infinite, that every permutation and combination that can exist _does,_ somewhere out there. So just as there are worlds where they didn’t quite match, where mistakes were made and chances missed– where hearts were broken and lives were lived with only dark memories and the torment of what almost was, there are also universes where the opposite is true.

Just as there are places that are full of pain, there are also the universes where everything went _right_.

And in _this_ universe, in this time, Tony was choosing to be with Loki– and because of that, he knew that the future was going to be bright.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Loki's Pursuit of Happiness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19051177) by [Rabentochter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rabentochter/pseuds/Rabentochter)




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